The greatest adjustment that I've had to deal with the past 5 weeks is going from living with 60+ women to living with just one other person. I never really minded being alone all that much until I moved into the Mount last year and realized how much living in community really worked for me.
There's just something wonderful about it. You have the ability to experience peace, quiet, tranquility and balance, go for a walk, sit outside in the gardens, watch the deer and other wildlife in your own backyard, but you're still surrounded by so many women who always have your back, support you, and love you. It wasn't without its struggles, of course, but the rewards were well worth it for me. And no matter how hard I try, that feeling can never be replicated anywhere else.
There have been times since I've moved where I've honestly thought, "I hate this house. I hate it on my own." I'm not having fun, I'm not comfortable. I can enjoy moments here and there, but that doesn't change how I'm feeling inside.
I've been alone at the apartment this holiday weekend. I've done a lot of thinking, praying, crying. I'm trying to make sense of the emotions I've been feeling. It doesn't help that I don't have much of a social life yet. I'm rebuilding my life in a new city, despite the fact that I've lived here for a year already. It's one of those situations where I wish I could just snap my fingers and friends appear, a guy, a life outside of work. At 23, I feel so out of the loop. I hate it.
Bottom line, I don't know what any of these feelings mean. Probably that I'm human and difficult adjustments are normal.
But it still sucks.
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